Thursday, June 19, 2014

Do you dare to love yourself first?

A friend just shared this with me from a Domestic Violence class she had been to and I wanted to share it with you all too.

For me is it so true and so valid but one thing that keeps popping up in my head when reading it is time... I still want babies and I am in my 30's. How much can I afford to wait?

"Survivors need to focus on developing a relationship with themselves first before they try to develop strong relationships of any romantic sort. Why? Because they need to learn who they really are, not what they think men are looking for. Remember, women who have been abused have spent a long time trying to be the person another person demanded rather than the genuine person that they are. In the process, most survivors have lost track of their own personalities and need to take the time to rediscover who they really are. The person who deserves the most kindness and compassion is you.

During this phase, the survivor must learn how to talk to herself with a new vocabulary. Every time she hears that little voice in her head saying, "That was stupid." or, "You made another mistake." she needs to retrain herself to say, "Well, you are a smart woman who made a mistake, it is okay." or, "You did so many other good things today, you have really made great progress." Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk is one of the first steps toward establishing a good relationship with yourself. 

A good "rule of thumb" when you make a minor mistake is to think of it in relative terms. If you forget to thaw something out for dinner, for instance, think about it relative to how you would react if a friend did the same thing. If a friend told you that she forgot to thaw something out for dinner, would you criticize her? On the other hand, would you tell her that it was not a big deal? If you would see it as a minor mistake that would not bother you because she is a great friend, then you should give yourself the same credit!  Always be at least as good to yourself, and forgiving of yourself, as you would be to your best friend!"

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