Thursday, June 5, 2014

5 of 20 - I am just lonely

Cutting Off Your Support. In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.

Warning Signs you are Dating a Loser by Joe M. Carver PhD.
To see all 20 signs and steps to end the relationship click here

- This was easy. My whole family lives in Europe. He got that taken care of when I moved to the US. Not that he forced me or anything like that. I wanted to move. I do believe I was meant to live here for some of my life and I still do, I am not meant to leave yet no matter how much I miss my family and friends... I  have a purpose here still. 

However, he will discourage me to hang out with my friends here. He never wants to hang around my friends. If there is an after-work event or even a party over the weekend I feel like I have to lie or decline the invitation. If I lie and go I can never stay long. The only time I spend time with my work colleagues after work hours is if we are traveling together or he is away and I don't have to declare every minute of my day. It is the only way for me to go and enjoy it.

He does not always say no to me going but will make a big deal out of me leaving him alone, trying to play into my conscience. "What am I going to do then", "What am I going to eat", "Who will keep me company".. etc. See, he has pushed his friends away so he always have to recruit new ones on a bi-yearly basis I would say. So normally he does not have anyone to call and hang out with, and I don't even feel he wants to.

Last year I did a mud run with some of the people I work with, and we had dinner afterwards. In the middle of the dinner he calls and I ignore it, sending a text saying I will leave in a little bit and will call when I do. I called maybe 30 minutes later as I was driving away and he is screaming like the house is on fire. "How can you spend time with these people, you don't even know them!" and "They are not your f%#ing friends, you are stupid for thinking that!" 

Huh?? I work with them. I care for them and I know they care for me too. We actually have fun together! I rather spend time with them than YOU you Loser!

He has already won this fight. Because at this point I have stopped getting invitations from people at work. They know I will say no and my friends outside of work consist of two people. And their husbands are tired of hanging out with my husband since he is so "intense".

"God is with me and will keep me wherever I may go" ~ Genesis 28:15

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