Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track
of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the
opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If
you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were
you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of
mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why
you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some
losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in
an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your
mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when
they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech
losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their
residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They
may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how
to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to
certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about
certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The
Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime.
That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal
abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call.
This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the
same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
Warning Signs you are Dating a Loser by Joe M. Carver PhD.
To see all 20 signs and steps to end the relationship click
here
-Well, I'm married to my Loser and not just dating him, which makes this slightly different, but not much. At this point I have almost lost all of my friends. I only talk to people he pretty much approve of, at least in front of him. I have friends at work and I don't let them interact with him because it is not a good combo. To him my work is just a place I work and not a place I keep friends. In his opinion I cannot have friends at work because they would not be real friends, however he can have friends at work...
Let's look at the phone situation: He believes that because of what I do for a living, sitting by a computer most of the time, I should be able to answer the phone 24/7 no matter what. If I don't answer the phone, especially on a business trip he gets very frustrated. Everything gets tuned up when I am away. When I am away I need to send him signs of love constantly. That means call him constantly and answer the phone no matter what. If I don't he let's me know that he is going to contact a lawyer and start the divorce process. The strange part is that we never have anything to talk about when we are on the phone... But I guess he is trying to keep me occupied talking to him, or holding the phone against my ear that I can't interact with other people or even read a book.
I honestly cannot do anything when he is around. It is if I know he will think I am doing something wrong and then, I will do something wrong. When we go out he can flip out about how I am having my hair styled or what I am wearing and other times he says he does not care. It is very confusing and anxiety triggering. While out I keep my mouth shut most of the time. I let him do the talking. It is best that way.. because when I talk I might say something that he does not agree with and he might lose his temper and that is a scene to hide! I don't want anyone to have to see or put up with his temper, anger, or controlling issues.
I don't really want to see them either but rather me than anyone else. However - soon I'll be out too. I have to.
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