Monday, June 23, 2014

9 of 20 - You better stop what you are doing and focus on me...

No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.

Warning Signs you are Dating a Loser by Joe M. Carver PhD.
To see all 20 signs and steps to end the relationship click here

"Will encourage you to..." I wish it was put in an encouraging way.. LOL.. he pretty much demanded I quit my hobby I have done for as long as I can remember. Dancing. I used to compete internationally for many years both as a dancer and as a choreographer and lately I have just been teaching it at a low level.

He wanted me to stop. Done. Over. Finito. Every time I would come home from practice he would act sad making me not being able to show happiness over something I loved doing. After months and even years of this treatment; I would even act sad and find reasons to say why it wasn't fun anymore every time I would come home from it.  It was sick. I knew I loved it but showing him that I did just made things worse! He was happier when I was not.

I was teaching dance because I love it and to help pay off my school loans. He saw it as me prioritizing rich kids over him. I honestly don't even think me quitting about a year ago now has changed anything for us. Because, in the end, nothing is ever good enough.

I also run a small Etsy shop. He hates it. He hates that I spend time creating instead of spending it with him or spending it doing something for him... I can never win. I can never do anything right in his eyes and finally I have realized that it is his view of the reality that is twisted, not mine.

I would never ask someone to give up their hobbies for me, would you?
I would never think that someone spending time doing what they love would diminish their love for me, would you? (It makes me happy to see someone happy - why on earth would I ever want to take that away from them??? It does not make sense to me at all).

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