It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. "The Loser" tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. "The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver (not his) as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.
Warning Signs you are Dating a Loser by Joe M. Carver PhD.
To see all 20 signs and steps to end the relationship click here
Me working extra hours to get more money to pay bills is not seen as me helping out. He sees it as me not catering to his needs and requirements. (huh???) Yet in the next breath he is concern about how much bills we have...
For the longest time I tried to understand what was wrong with me. Because most of the time after an argument he had pretty much convinced me that I was the one that had done something wrong and he had the right to act anyway he pleased. That I should appreciate that he has the "balls" to set me straight and teach me how I should act and what I should say. And ultimately what and how I should think...I should appreciate that...
I am not saying I am perfect. I do make mistakes all the time, just ask him. But at what point does a missed phone call calls for verbal abuse? Or when does a headband calls for having hangers being broken and thrown in your direction? When?
One time we were heading out for dinner and I wanted to get something in the mail before it was going to be picked up. I walked out of the house with the mail in my hand and stopped to talk to a neighbor who just walked by with his two dogs. He had recently gotten home from the hospital due to a pretty serious injury and I wanted to see how he was doing. We talked for maybe 10 minutes and then I left for the post office. I was probably back at the house within 30 minutes but before I had gotten home He had left. He was FURIOUS. There was no way to calm him down. I was late, even if I didn't have a time to watch. I had prioritized the letter before him... and he didn't want to eat dinner with me anymore. He didn't return until really late that night after yelling at me on the phone multiple times threatening with divorce.
It was all my fault. Always is. Always will be.
What I am saying is that mistakes are being made every day. But to abuse someone for making them and making the person feel that they deserve the abuse is beyond WRONG.