I was googling the other day and found "The Narcissist in your life" blog and it was like she was talking about my relationship... Here is just a snapshot... (her writing) my comments
Narcissistic Abusers - Their Human Beasts of Burden
A beast of burden is defined as an animal who carries heavy loads or must do very hard work. Narcissists often put their children, spouses, siblings and others in
these roles as human beasts of burden. In effect their children,
spouses and siblings are their servants.
The narcissist is imperious. He/she is the ruler in every
narcissist gives orders–quite literally–and those close to him/her are
expected to obey on the spot...
...The narcissistic spouse is impossible–making outrageous demands,
throwing criticisms right and left, making the partner feel unworthy and
Like I have said before - if the cooking, laundry or cleaning is not done on time every time I am a worthless person. It never fails. He may not call it out on every occasion but it will build up into something for the future. Every time I am leaving work I must have a dinner plan in mind, and I must have at least three different suggestions so he can pick what he wants. It gives me anxiety every day and I rather just stay at work!
...Many spouses of these narcissists stay married to them. They
continue to take the psychological blows and to become human beasts of
burden who will do the bidding of the narcissistic partner, regardless
of how depleted, exhausted or frustrated they are. They are devoted to
someone who is hurting them. They feel the stress and pain in their
bodies and the mental distress—yet they continue in these roles, often
throughout the marriage...
For a long time I did. I guess I still do since we are still married. I wish I would have realized a long time ago. And I wish I would have started the mental process of leaving him sooner. I knew something was off with him probably less than one year after we got married and moved in together. But, I didn't recognize that it was him, I just though our relationship was going into one of those roller coaster downhills, or worse - because of me.
At least I have figured out where I stand. That is at least 25% of the battle. Right?