Monday, November 24, 2014

It is never easy with a Narcissist

"I want to make you suffer"

Like taken out of a thriller, Thuderstorm spoke those words to me not even a week ago. I could feel the chills going through my body as I was sitting there with the phone up against my ear. He truly meant it. Like possessed by the Devil he just felt he had the right... because at the end of the day, I hurt him greatly by leaving him.... the way I did.... and I must be punished. Again.

"I am not intending to make this easy for you"

We were on the phone about the divorce mediation that just started. (I totally see why divorce mediation is not advisable for a case like ours by the way). Thunderstorm had decided a few weeks earlier that divorce mediation was the way to go to save money... and I figured I would be able to handle it as it would be the fastest way anyway. So here we are... having to talk on occasion and having to make decision together. It is a painful process and probably would be even if you are on the same page. Divorcing an abuser and a narcissist is not "supposed" to be easy. Divorcing them is tapping into and destroying their fragile self-image. They are going to make you pay for it.

I am fully aware that I am going to walk away with far less than half of our belongings. Willingly. My freedom is worth more than things. He can have it all if he asks for it. I'll sleep on the floor with a towel as my blanket and a shoe as my pillow if I have to. I have already left most of what is considered mine, and I am so much better off anyway. 

"When this is over with you will be dead to me"

There was a time in the past were I had imagined him and I being on the same birthday party for one of our mutual friends. Being able to be civil around others.. but that image is wiped away... and even though that comment was fired off with the intention to hurt me, I was relieved. I CAN'T WAIT!

"I never want to see you happy ever again"

What a surprise!
Unfortunately, for him, I am already happier... should I tell him? ;)

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